she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Randomize
