smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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