I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
