the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize