Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
