Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
i think im in europe. pls send help
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
