yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I want to be your penis for a week.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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