I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
