i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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