Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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