At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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