And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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