he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
