it was like eating out sand paper
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize