I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
