Im at strip club and am horny
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
