I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
