Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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