after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
