OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
