I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
