Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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