You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize