i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
