Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize