I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
