thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
