I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
