barbara walters just said penis...
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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