At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
