You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
