Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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