Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
