just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
