Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Randomize
