I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
