last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
