No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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