That's intense
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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