Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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