The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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