So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
