anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
