My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize