I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
