guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
