can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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