I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
