So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
