he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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