if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
