she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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