So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
