On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
