Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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