Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
