Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
NoShamevember. You game?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
