My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
