My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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