Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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