how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
