He had one of those small greek statue penises
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
