It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Is Oprah even human
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
