I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
