I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
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