i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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