Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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