There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
A+ Viking dick
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
