omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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