I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
