That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
