Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
