im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
