I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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